How to have a great 1:1

17 Jan

For many decades managers have been meeting with their teams on an individual basis to check on how they’re doing. They are a key tool in a manager’s toolbox, as they enable you to build those relationships with your team as individuals: trust, respect, support.

Yet we still hear horror stories of bad 1:1 meetings: managers that don’t listen and make it all about themselves, sessions that only focus on status updates and never have time for personal development, or ghost 1:1s that are in the diary but never seem to happen…

Here I’ll share some tips on how to get the most out of a 1:1. If you’re a manager you can put these into practice right away. If you’re an employee, you can use these as suggestions to your manager to help you both get more out of these meetings.

Logistics:

Get them in the diary: one every week, and go for 30 to 45 minutes as that’s a good amount of time to cover everything off.
Try not to move them: sometimes the unavoidable comes up, but if someone double books me, and it’s not an external meeting, I generally decline as I’m gonna prioritise my team.
Get a room: if you’re remote no problem, but if you’re in an office then find someone private so your conversation isn’t overheard (this creates psychological safety).

Agenda:

Your team member owns the agenda: a common mistake managers make is thinking, this is MY time to download everything I’M thinking. Instead, see it as your team member’s time to discuss what is on their mind with you. Get them to take ownership of the 1:1 by encouraging them to share what they want to discuss with you ahead of time (see ‘write it down’ later).
It’s not a status update: If you want a status update find another way to get that: have a team meeting so everybody can come together and align. If you want to go deep into a particular topic (e.g. writing a product requirements document for a particular initiative), then set up a different session to do that. Keep the focus on THEM.
Start the meeting with a checkin: ‘how are you?’ is a powerful opener. Ask the question, then listen carefully. Follow up the strands of thought. If they say they’re ok, are they really ok or just being polite? Resist the urge to hijack any reciprocal question to make the session all about you.
End the meeting with a win: encourage reflection and celebrate success. Even in difficult weeks there’s something to recognise and be proud of, and it means you part ways on a high.

Facilitation:

Prepare yourself: too often we bounce from one meeting to the next, context switching throughout the day, but that is doing yourself and your team member a disservice when it comes to 1:1s. Spend a few minutes ahead of the session reading through any notes they’ve added ahead of time. And just before you start, take a few deep breaths to ground and really bring yourself into the present. This makes a BIG difference when it comes to my next point.
Listen more than you talk: you should be listening about 60-80% of the time so your team member has the space to share. And this form of listening isn’t “waiting until I have my turn to speak”, it’s deep listening, active listening, global listening. Listening with your whole body. What is your team member not saying? Resist the urge to speak when there is silence.
Coach your team member: whether it’s a conversation about career progression, skill development, or some personal challenge your team member is going through, asking open ended questions and then truly listening to them is the best way to empower them. A super powerful question is ‘what support do you need from me?’ as this gives them agency to decide how you can best help them.
Provide bitesized feedback: don’t wait for a 1:1 to give feedback - give it at an appropriate time. Little and often is best. However, you can use the 1:1 to reflect on themes and draw out the patterns from feedbacks you have shared in the past, combined with what others have shared with you.
Write it down: I log a few brief notes on each point during a 1:1 in a shared doc. It benefits both of you in two ways: (1) overcoming recency bias in performance reviews when you can’t remember back beyond two weeks, and (2) providing evidence should you need to engage in performance management. A running Google doc works at a basic level, even better is a purpose built platform (like Culture Amp).

Underpinning great 1:1s is intention and effort - it’s about not rushing, but rather holding space for another person and showing up.