The single most important thing you can do as a leader…

There’s a saying that I came across a while ago, that reappeared serendipitously at a time when I was transitioning into a senior Product leadership role, and that is in my heart as I continue to develop my leadership style. It is the following quote from poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

How true is that?

When I reflect on the best leaders I have worked with over my career, I have a fondness towards them that’s not based on anything in particular that they said or did — in fact I often can’t recall any specific details of conversations we had. The fondness arises from how they made me feel about myself.

They believed in me — often at times when I wasn’t feeling entirely positive about myself (damn you, imposter syndrome!) That unwavering support meant so much and feels so precious, even now in moments of contemporary reflection. Undoubtedly, those that believed in me helped shape my career in positive ways.

Emotion plays such a key role in learning and memory, as this paper demonstrates. I remember the leaders that opened up new opportunities and threw me in at the deep end, challenged me to learn something new, and were there in my moments of doubt. They said to me “I believe in you, you’ve got this.” (💪)

Unfortunately, I also remember the managers that I struggled to build relationships with: those memories are uncomfortable and unpleasant. The times I felt wronged, unfairly judged, micromanaged and lacking in some respect. I have tried to learn from these times, as painful as they are, what not to do as a leader. If you make people feel small or stupid or like a nuisance when they look to you for support and encouragement then that will not be forgotten. That is not how I wish to be remembered by those I work with as our careers progress and paths diverge.

So let’s ask ourselves — what can we do to make someone feel good about themselves today?